To me, babies are watermelon sized aliens that are only good at five things, and I use the word good very loosely because sometimes they even struggle with these things: eating, pooping, peeing, crying and the worst, staring. Babiesĭoes anyone else think they look strange or is it just me? Sure they have all of the typical human characteristics of fingers, a face and legs, but they just don’t look human. I don’t have to take several months off for maternity leave and put my career on the back burner because my son has a football game. If my job wants me to move across the world every six months, I can go do that without the hassle of enrolling and re-enrolling children in school. Even if I’m not leaving, I can go work a soup kitchen or hang out with my friends worry-free because I don’t have another life to take care of. I have the option of uplifting my life, and leaving. There is no worrying about who is making dinner, who is going to take care of the kids or if they will they miss me. It is so nice to have the option to drop everything and just travel somewhere because I feel like it. I’m not interested in tearing my body apart for the so-called “miracle of life,” which is really just a euphemism for “sex I will be paying for during the next 18 to 25 years of my life.” FreedomĬontinuing on my selfish rant, I do not want children because I value my freedom too much. Why on earth would I want to take all of my hard work and throw it away for a beer belly? (Yes, I know there is a fish in the beer bowl, but it looks the same.) As a girl that is not a 00, I spend a lot of time each day exercising to make sure that my jean size doesn’t increase. Either way, I don’t want to be there when the water tower starts to leak.Īlso, I have no interest in ever being pregnant. You don’t know when the bat in the cave is going to come flailing out or trigger some sort of “up the duff” emotional crying session. (They are third on my list of scariest things, right behind ghosts and spiders.) I try to politely avoid them by saying hello, making quick small talk and moving on to someone else because they are like ticking time bombs. Pregnancyįirst of all, pregnant women scare me enough as is. I’m happy for you that you are happy with the way your life turned out.īut I don’t want your life, and here’s why. I have two beautiful daughters and a son and I am happy as can be.”Ĭongratulations. Most of the time this comes from the aunts and uncles you see on holidays and maybe one or two other times during the year.Īnd so you try to respond, no, I won’t change my mind, but then that just segways into, “When I was your age, I thought the same thing … but now look at me.
The second reaction is the more common and civil, “Oh, you’ll change your mind.” This light-hearted, I’m-older-and-wiser response drives me insane. The first reaction is always, “Why? Do you hate children or something?” This response I can understand and even respect a little bit because the people who ask this question want to know you a little better and maybe understand your mindset (even if their mind is already made up that you are a baby-hater).Įven if you get past the point of explaining your first reason, it usually leads to the second reaction due to how uncomfortable the other person feels talking to a child-loather. Regardless of my answers to these questions, the reactions are always the same. How could a woman not want to reproduce and care for children for 18 to 25 years of her life? Is she crazy? Did she not have a good childhood? Why? Both men and women gape at me when I say this. I have known this since kindergarten, and my thoughts against having children have only since deepened.
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